Bright Lights
by clerky
Summary: You should know that there is no happy ending here. Illness hits Smithy
1. Chapter 1

**Bright Lights**

This is just something I wanted to do. I hope it doesn't upset anyone too much. I've used a bit of poetic licence with the characters histories. I'm no medical expert either, I'm just going by bits and pieces that I can remember myself.

I promise there's a happy smutty pointless fic on the way to make up for all this misery

ITV own most of the characters below

Chapter One

June 2013

Smithy Cottage was a happy place. It wasn't always that way but right now it's residents were very content indeed. Paddy and Rhona had been married for just over a year now and Leo was a healthy 2 year old. There were obviously challenges that came with his condition but he was thriving. They'd gone through a rough patch just after he was born. Paddy wasn't coping with being half a dad, Marlon being the other half, and Rhona struggled to come to terms with being a mum to a special needs baby. They seperated briefly but were back together within a month.

Paddy, Marlon and Rhona discussed how they were going to deal with their unique situation and decided that rather than acting like kids, which they all had a tendancy to do, they were going to put Leo and his needs first. They worked things out so that they didn't have to farm him out to a long list of babysitters. Paddy and Rhona were their own bosses and could arrange their own rota and Marlon used the fact that his cousin was his boss to his advantage whenever there was a babysitting emergency. Now that he was a little bit older Leo slept over at Marlon's place a couple of times a week. He was terrified about being his sole carer at first but now he relished every second that he had Leo to himself. Well not exactly to himself. After feeling for a long time that he'd be single for the rest of his life, he'd eventually met someone. Jessica had begun working for Val and Eric Pollard a year earlier and was instantly smitten by the gangly chef. Marlon of course was immune to her advances, he couldn't quite believe that someone as stunning as her would be remotely interested in him. After many misunderstandings they had eventually sorted themselves out and had been seeing each other for eight months. Things had moved on quickly and Marlon was keen for her to get to know his son. It was important to him that any potential girlfriend knew that him and Leo came as a package. Jessica was nervous about meeting him but couldn't help falling in love with him instantly. She made a point of not staying over with Marlon when Leo was there though. They were incredibly serious about each other but they had both been around the block a few times and knew that things didn't always work out for couples and it wouldn't be fair on Leo if he got too attached to her too soon.

When Leo was with his biological dad and when work commitments allowed them Paddy and Rhona would try to make some time for each other. They didn't really do anything special, Rhona wasn't the type of woman who demanded constant wining and dining. They mostly ended up at the Woolpack or went into town to see a film. Adjusting to having a tiny baby in the house had been tough for them. They were both independent people who took their careers seriously so having this little person's life in their hands took a lot of getting used to. They got there in the end though and a little over a year earlier they had a got married on the same day that Leo was christened. Marlon had acted as best man, Aaron had the roles of groomsman and godfather and Laurel was godmother and bridesmaid.

Life at Smithy could be hectic at times. Jackson had been released from hospital soon after Rhona had discovered she was pregnant. Him and Aaron had a furious row a couple of months earlier and Jackson had driven off in his van, upset and distracted. He'd reached across the van to answer his phone and veered off the road when he tried to avoid hitting a truck. The van careered thirty feet down an embankment and it was nothing short of a miracle that it came to a standstill just short of a railway line. What could have happened if it had continued to roll for another ten feet was unimaginable.

Aaron heard the sound of the crash and was on the scene in a couple of minutes. He stayed with Jackson until the ambulance and fire brigade arrived, almost getting himself arrested when he wouldn't keep out of the way as the fire men used cutting equipment to try to free the builder. He blamed himself for the accident. He'd been trying to phone Jackson when the accident occurred and was convinced that his actions had been to blame.

The prognosis wasn't good when Jackson was brought to hospital. He was immediately put on a ventilator as the doctors tried to stabilise his condition. There were tears and recriminations as they waited for news. Hazel didn't apportion blame, she just wanted her boy to be ok. Jerry however was a different story. He'd been absent from Jackson's life since he'd found out he was gay and if it wasn't for the accident he wouldn't have made an effort to get in contact. He disliked Aaron instantly and when he confessed to his part in the accident Jerry banished him from the hospital. Aaron didn't put up a fight, he never felt like he was good enough for anybody, let alone someone as amazing as Jackson. He walked away but couldn't stay away when Hazel told him that Jackson had woken up and was asking for him.

Jackson had bleeding on his brain but once the swelling had gone down and after a series of scans the doctors concluded that he had no damage to his neck or spine. He'd suffered 2 broken legs, 1 broken arm, a broken collar bone, ribs, pelvis, the list seemed endless. He would be completely incapacitated for a number of months and would have to have endless physio sessions for an indefinite period of time. Getting his life back would prove to be the biggest struggle he'd ever faced.

He hated being stuck in hospital, but more than that he hated being unable to do anything for himself. He was tubed, he had to have bed baths, he needed people to feed him, he couldn't even scratch his nose. He was frustrated and took this out on Hazel and Aaron. Jerry had headed for the hills as fast as he could once he knew that Jackson was going to be ok so his mum and Aaron bore the full brunt of his anger. Aaron took this particularly badly. He was already blaming himself for what had happened and in his head Jackson's rage was all the proof he needed that he felt the same way about it. He went to the hospital day after day only to be called every name under the sun. He just stood there and took it because he believed this was what he deserved. It was however a mixture of frustration and embarrasment that was making Jackson act the way he was. After a particularly bad day when Jackson could be heard at the other end of the corridor shouting at Aaron who had committed the mortal sin of spilling some soup on him, Hazel stepped in. She barged into his room and told him in no uncertain terms that he could be six feet under and should be thanking his lucky starts that he had every chance of making a full recovery. Hazel's outburst was what Jackson and Aaron both needed. For the first time since before the accident they were honest with each other. Aaron confessed that the fear of losing Jackson made him realise just how much he loved him. Jackson apologised for acting like a spoilt child and explained how degrading he found his hospital routine. They also spoke about the accident. Jackson assured Aaron that he did not and would never blame him for what happened and they both agreed that they should draw a line under it, although secretly Aaron would always feel guilty about it.

It was December before Jackson was fit to go home. Well he wasn't fit to go home really, but the doctors said he could get any further treatment he needed at home or as an out patient. Christmas was a mad house at Smithy that year. Although he was on the mend, Jackson was still very immobile. He could take baby steps with the aid of crutches but the injuries to his upper body meant that he was unable to do this for long periods of time. Aaron moved their bed downstairs into the living room. It was an inconvenience for everyone but there was no way Jackson would have been capable of walking up and down the stairs. When he needed the bathroom he had use the one in Paddy's surgery. Hazel and Aaron were never too far from his side and this did sometimes lead to tension but they had all started to see the light at the end of the tunnel which made things a bit easier to bear. It was also difficult for Paddy and Rhona to deal with this new situation. She had only moved in after Jackson had his accident. She didn't like herself for jumping straight from Marlon's bed to Paddy's but the accident made her realise that you only have one life and if you had a chance at happiness you should grab it with both hands.

It was certainly a Christmas to remember. Paddy, Rhona, Hazel, Aaron and Jackson were all squashed into the house together. They had no living room. Marlon and Pearl were constant visitors, calling at all hours to fuss over Rhona and Jackson. Joe, Jackson's carer was also calling up to 5 days a week at the start so there was never a dull moment there. On Christmas morning Hazel insisted that they all go to church. Jackson was opposed to this idea. He knew the only way he could go would be in a wheelchair. He had to use it any time they went to the hospital as well. He wouldn't manage walking long distances yet and he hated having to sit in the chair and be pushed around like a baby. Hazel wasn't one to take no for an answer though so the extended Kirk-Goskirk-Livesy-Walsh-Rhodes family made their way to the Christmas Day service, 4 out of 5 of them wishing they were anywhere else. She did have an ulterior motive though. It was obvious that Smithy wasn't big enough for all of them, and with a baby on the way there would be even less room in a few months time. She had decided to continue with her travels. Coming back to the UK had been a temporary thing and she had only extended her stay after Jackson had his accident. Although he wasn't exactly fighting fit yet, she knew that if she didn't go soon she wouldn't go at all. She'd become very comfortable in Emmerdale and could easily see herself settling down there in a few years time, but she needed to do this for herself. That's why having a traditional family Christmas was important to her. She nearly lost Jackson and she wanted to make this Christmas special for both of them, she wasn't sure when she'd be back home again.

Six weeks later Hazel left. It was a sad day for all of them. Rhona's raging hormones got the better of her and she was in floods of tears. She'd been enjoying having another woman in the house, particularly when she was pregnant. Now she was going to be the only woman in a house full of men. Paddy tried to be brave and comfort her but he was on the verge of tears himself. He'd grown to like Hazel a lot and would miss her good humoured nature, as well as her cooking. Aaron was fine. He said goodbye, she forced him to hug her, and he was fine. He was more concerned about what Jackson was about to do. When Hazel's taxi arrived he struggled up off the sofa and walked to the door. She didn't know if he wanted to go out with her in his chair or if they'd say their goodbyes at the door. Instead he turned back to Aaron

_"Aaron, crutches"_

Aaron stepped forward biting his lip, trying to stop the tears of joy that were threatening to fall. He handed the crutches to Jackson, planting a kiss on his lips. Hazel was confused.

_"Come on mum. Did you really think I was going to let you walk away without seeing how well I'm doing?"_

Hazel grabbed her boy around the neck, almost causing him to lose his balance. When she eventually loosened her grip they walked slowly out to the taxi. It took a long time but he made it. And after a tearful farewell Hazel was gone.

To be continued

A/N This chapter was just a bit of a scene setter


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

August 15th 2013

Rhona stood in the kitchen and sighed. The place was a mess. She wasn't exactly a domestic goddess and living with 3 men and a toddler didn't make it any easier. She'd taken the afternoon off in the hope of tidying things up a little bit. Paddy, Aaron and Jackson were all working. Leo was gone to playgroup in Hotten and Marlon and Jessica were taking him out for icecream after, so she had the house to herself. She stepped into the living room and looked around at the mess. Toys everywhere, and not all Leo's. Aaron's X box, Paddy's scalextric. As well as that there were files that Paddy had brought through from the surgery, books, newspapers, cd's dvd's. And none of the junk was hers. She didn't like tidying and was miffed that it was being left to the little woman to do it. As she began to gather up bits and pieces in her arms she heard the front door opening. Placing what she'd picked up onto the coffee table she went to the kitchen to investigate.

It was only Paddy.

_"Have you seen the mess in there_" Rhona started _"I don't see why it's always left to me to clean up you know. "_

As she continued to vent Paddy put his case down on the kitchen table and slowly sat down. He looked pale and worried and Rhona's words were going completely over his head. Eventually she noticed that all wasn't well.

_"Paddy you look awful, what is it? You've not had an accident have you? Leo. God it's not Leo is it?"_

_"Something happened. I can't explain it. It was. I don't know"_

Rhona was beside herself with worry at this stage. She sat down and held Paddy's hand. It was hot and sweaty and she was sure she could feel it trembling.

_"Start from the start Paddy. Just take it slowly."_

Paddy took a deep breath and began _"I was on my way to Robblesfield. I was driving along. Everything was fine. And then. I don't know what it was. Everything just went blank. It was like the world stopped. I...I...All I could see were lights, well maybe not lights. Erm."_

_"Paddy, what do you mean lights?"_

_"I couldn't see anything. Just colours, coloured lights in front of my eyes. Every colour. They were so bright. I don't know how long it lasted, not long I think. Things became clearer again after a while and when I looked out the window I was stopped in a layby."_

_"What did you do then?"_

_"There were a couple of teenagers walking along so I opened the window and shouted out to them. I didn't even know where I was. I was so scared Rhona."_

"_It's ok, try to relax_" Rhona's touch soothed Paddy slightly.

_"I...erm...I told them I was looking for Robblesfield. They laughed at me. They actually laughed at me. You know why? Because I'd just driven through it. I'd driven through there without even knowing it. Good God I didn't know what I was doing, I could have killed someone."_

Rhona steadied herself before speaking. She was terrified but didn't want Paddy to see this.

_"And, did you drive back here yourself?"_

_"Yeah"_

_"Christ Paddy. What if it had happened again."_

_"But I feel fine now, I'm just shocked."_

_"But you felt fine before this, whatever it was happened. Right, I'm ringing Doctor Connor now"_

_"They probably won't be able to fit me in today."_

_"Yes Paddy they will. And if they say they can't see us then we'll go down there and wait until they do."_

Rhona went into the living room and rang Doctor Connor's surgery and made an appointment for later that afternoon. She didn't know what to make of what Paddy had just told her. If he'd broken a bone or had a pain in his chest at least they'd know what they were dealing with, but this was a total mystery and that scared her. She also rang Marlon and asked him to keep Leo with him for another couple of hours. She didn't tell him what was happening, just that something had come up and her and Paddy would be out for a while.

Rhona made Paddy and herself a cup of tea. She shovelled sugar into Paddy's.

"_Pfftt_" Paddy spat the tea back into his cup. "_Did you put sugar in this?"_

"Drink it Paddy, it'll help with the shock"

_"What'll help, poisoning me? Sorry. I know you're only trying to help. I'm fine now though. I don't want you to worry."_

_"Too late I'm afraid. I'm sure everything will be fine though."_

_"Yeah, me too"_

They tried to reassure each other but they were both desperately worried. Paddy had a quick shower, Rhona insisting that he kept the bathroom door open just in case something happened. She then drove him to the doctors. Their appointment was late in the evening so there were only a couple of people ahead of them. After about half an hour Paddy was called in. Rhona was in hot pursuit. She knew that if she let him go in on his own she'd only be told sketchy details about what the doctor said.

Doctor Connor asked Paddy to go through what had happened again. It sent shivers down Rhona's spine to hear the details again. She couldn't believe that he'd managed to navagate his way through Robblesfield without killing himself or someone else when he was in that condition. How could he have driven a couple of miles and not know about it?

The doctor followed up the questions with some physical examinations. He tested his eyes, balance and coordination. He took blood and urine samples and told them that he'd have results in a couple of days. Paddy looked shocked. He'd been so thrown by what had happened earlier that he'd innocently assumed that he'd be told there and then what was wrong with him. The doctor mentioned a few possiblilities. It could be a form of epilepsy or maybe a stress related illness. He wasn't committing himself to anything. In truth, he didn't have a clue either. He told them that he'd arrange for a CT scan for Paddy in 2 days time, just to rule out anything more serious. They left the surgery feeling a little bit brighter about things. They still didn't know what was wrong but the doctor seemed to be upbeat and not overly worried.

They were home about an hour when Marlon, Leo and Jessica arrived. Rhona opened the door and Leo flew into her arms

_"Mummy"_

_"Hello trouble"_

_"Hi little man_" Paddy shouted out from the kitchen. As soon as he heard his voice Leo began to kick in Rhona's arms, eager to get down and go to the man he called Daddy Paddy. Rhona smiled and looked after Leo as he ran in and jumped on top of Paddy. She knew that she was no competition when it came to a choice between her and either of his two dads but she didn't mind.

_"So is everything ok? You sounded worried on the phone earlier." _Marlon was concerned.

_"Yeah we're fine. Well we're not fine, but hopefully there's nothing to worry about. Look do you two want to come in for a cuppa. I'll go and settle Leo and then we'll tell you what happened."_

Marlon and Jessica nervously came in. In the end the story was told twice. Jessica went up stairs to help Rhona with Leo. They'd become very close. Rhona didn't really have many female friends but her and Jessica were quite alike. Neither of them were girlie girls and of course they had a lot in common when it came to their taste in men. Noticing that her mind was elsewhere Jessica asked her outright what was wrong and was immediately filled in on the afternoons events. Unknown to both of them the same conversation was taking place between Paddy and Marlon. They were closer than brothers and it seemed natural that Paddy would tell him everything.

Marlon and Jessica didn't stay long. It didn't seem right to impose when Paddy and Rhona obviously had things on their minds. Rhona started to make dinner.

"_Any sign of the boys yet?" _Paddy enquired.

_"Not yet. I think Jackson was dragging Aaron to the gym with him."_ Rhona replied.

_"He's after getting obsessed with that place since he got back on his feet. I don't think Aaron really appreciates it though. We should tell them what's happening when they get back."_

_"You don't have to Paddy. We don't know anything ourselves yet. It might be nothing."_

_"I want to Rhona. We're a family and it's only right that they're kept in the loop. You know what Aaron's like, he'll know we're acting strange and think that he's done something wrong. It's simpler this way."_

_"Fair enough. It's your decision."_

A couple of hours later Jackson and Aaron arrived home. Sure enough Jackson had roped Aaron into going to the gym, but only on the condition that they went for a pint after. When they got back they tucked into the dinner Rhona had prepared for them. Jackson and Rhona made small talk during the meal, Aaron stayed quiet but that was no surprise, Paddy chipped in every now and then but for the most part stayed silent.

When they'd finished eating Rhona filled the dishwasher and with one last look at Paddy made herself scarce up stairs.

_"Come on you. Let's see how much money I can make off you on the X Box tonight."_ Jackson got up to leave the table.

"_Jackson wait_." Paddy started _"I need to talk to you. To both of you."_

And so for the fourth time that evening paddy went through the details of what had happened. He felt like a bit of a drama queen. After all he was fit and healthy. He could do with losing a few pounds, but other than that he was in perfect health. He just knew that it was important that the people closest to him were kept informed. He didn't like it when they bottled things up, it only made him worry more about them. It only seemed fair that he treated them the same way.

A couple of hours later Aaron was sitting on the edge of the bed. Jackson was just coming backup stairs with a couple of cans. They had retreated to the bedroom as soon as Rhona had rejoined Paddy down stairs. They didn't know what to say to him. All they could do was assure him that he had their full supoort and reinforce the point that it was probably something in nothing. Jackson put his can on the bedside locker and handed Aaron his which he put down on the mattress. They looked at each other, concern etched on both of their faces.

_"It's probably nothing_" Jackson began.

_"I know. Really I do. Things like this just freak me out though. I'm glad I've got you here."_

Turning their bodies towards each other they embraced. Their relationship was in a better place now than it had ever been. Jackson's accident had tested them to their very limits but it didn't break them. Little by little as Jackson regained his mobility and strength their bond also strengthened. They'd learned to work together as opposed to pulling in different directions like when they first got together and now they were reaping the benefits. As they held each other close Jackson's attention was grabbed by the sight of a tiny hand pushing the bedroom door open.

_"Little person"_ he muttered into Aaron's ear halting the downward movement of Aaron's wandering hand. Aaron looked towards the door and sure enough there was Leo smiling at them and rubbing his tired eyes.

_"Hey little man. Why aren't you in bed?" _Aaron asked as he scooped the toddler into his arms.

_"Aaron's bed_" was Leo's reply. He'd made a habit of calling to the boys over the last few weeks. They felt the need to lock the door some nights to save themselves the embarrasment of him bursting in the door when they were otherwise occupied. On the nights that he did get into their room they put him in between them and when he'd fallen asleep they'd transfer him back to his own room again.

_"Come on then. Ten minutes and then you go back into your own bed. Ok?"_

Leo smiled a mischievous smile. Jackson retrieved the beer cans and Aaron pulled back the covers and put Leo into bed before pulling the covers back over him. He quickly went back to sleep with Aaron and Jackson on either side of him. They lay there staring at the ceiling thinking about what Paddy had told them. In the next room Rhona and Paddy were lying in the darkness silently worrying about what the days to come may bring.

To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Paddy was up stairs in the bedroom getting dressed. He could hear Rhona down in the kitchen. She was like a bull in a china shop when she was on edge. He didn't want to make a fuss about today. It was a CT scan. People had them every day of the week. he was feeling fine again and chances were whatever had happened him that day wasn't going to happen again. He just wished it was all over. He didn't like the atmosphere in the house. Rhona was snapping at everyone, Aaron and Jackson were creeping around the house like a couple of criminals and poor Leo wasn't himself at all. He'd picked up on the tension and was acting up much more than he normaly would.

"_Paddy, breakfast." _Rhona shouted up to him.

_"Coming_" Putting on his best happy face he went to face whatever the day would bring.

Rhona sat in the hospital waiting room. Paddy had been brought for his scan about 20 minutes earlier and she was killing time. She flicked through magazines, played with her phone, looked at the time. She didn't like waiting around, not knowing. Paddy reappeared within a few minutes. He got them some coffee and then joined her to begin another stint of clock watching. About 40 minutes later they were called into the consultants office. His stony face didn't give anything away. They sat down and waited while he completed his notes. He then looked up at them and almost forced himself to smile.

_"Mr. Kirk, I'm pleased to inform you that I could see no irregularities in your scan."_

Paddy and Rhona exhaled deeply. The consultant continued to speak but in all honesty most of the words went over their heads. Things were ok, that was all they needed to know. They didn't get an explanation for what had happened to Paddy that day. It could have been a combination of factors and there was no guarantee that it wouldn't happen again. He was given instructions to cut down significantly on his workload and to eat a more stable diet. If stress and brought on this 'seizure' as the doctor referred to it then his lifestyle would have to be altered.

That evening Jackson burst in the door of Smithy like a child at Christmas. Aaron was already home and had heard the good news. He was over the moon of course but it wasn't his style to lose the run of himself. Jackson on the other hand was beside himself with joy. He hugged Paddy, he hugged Rhona, he hugged...actually no, he knew better than to hug Aaron in front of other people. Paddy didn't want to make a big fuss. He'd have been much happier if he knew what exactly had caused what happened, but for now he was going to put those thoughts to the back of his mind and enjoy the night with his family.

October 14th 2013

Things quickly got back on track at Smithy. Paddy and Rhona took on a locum which meant that by Paddy cutting down on his hours Rhona didn't have to work longer hours. They also tried to cut down on their alcohol consumption and eat a bit healthier - they didn't do anything drastic, just looked after themselves a little bit better.

Paddy was in the living room sitting on the ground with Leo. The floor was covered in plastic building blocks and pieces of lego and Leo was busying himself putting the pieces together. Rhona came in to join them and listened to Leo as he chatted away to himself about what he was doing.

As she flicked through a magazine Rhona smiled to herself, listening to her two favourite men enjoying themselves. It was only when she could no longer hear two voices that she realised something was wrong. Leo's childish chatter continued but Paddy was silent. She looked up and noticed that he was no longer helping Leo with his building either. He was just sitting there motionless.

_"Paddy? Paddy are you ok? It's happening again isn't it?"_ she jumped off the sofa and joined him on the carpet.

_"Yeah"_ Rhona was relieved the see that Paddy could respond to her but she noticed that his mouth had dropped slightly to one side, a bit like someone who was having a stroke.

_"What's happening? Is it lights or colours again?"_

This time Paddy just nodded. He was frightened about what was happening to him. He could hear Rhona and Leo but he couldn't see them. All that he could see were the same bright coloured images that he'd seen two months earlier.

_"You're ok Paddy. Just stay where you are. Don't try to move. Try to relax. I'm here with you." _

In a strange way Rhona was relieved that Paddy couldn't see her. She was terrified. She had grown more and more secure as the days had gone by that what happened had been a one off so this was a devastating blow. She didn't know if she should ring a doctor or an ambulance but Paddy didn't seem to be in any pain so she decided to stay with him and hope that this passed over him quickly like last time. She held his hand and whispered comforting words, all the while making sure that Leo didn't realise what was happening.

After a few minutes Paddy turned his head towards Rhona.

_"I can see you. Not properly, but I can see you."_

_"Oh thank god."_

In another five minutes Paddy's vision was fully restored. With Rhona beside him he got on his feet. He was a bit unsteady and hardly had enough energy to move as far as the sofa. From what he'd told her his balance hadn't been effected the last time this happened.

_"Right, I'm going up stairs to pack a bag for you. We're going to A & E."_

_"Rhona there's no need for that. Just ring the doctors and ask for an appointment."_

_"No Paddy. We've tried that. He was only clutching at straws the last time. He didn't know what was wrong any more than we did. You know I'm sure he was trying to hint that you were imagining this you know_" the worry was making Rhona angry "_Please, lets just do it my way this time."_

_"Ok_" Paddy didn't want to argue.

Rhona put some things in a bag for Paddy. She then rang Marlon and told him what had happened and to ask him if he'd take Leo. He was on the doorstep in minutes. There was nothing he wouldn't do for Rhona, Paddy or Leo. They didn't tell Aaron or Jackson. Rhona would let them know what had happened later. Right now the most important thing was getting Paddy to the hospital.

They arrived in the A&E little over an hour afterwards. Paddy still wasn't feeling 100% and took a seat quickly. Rhona went to the reception desk and gave their details before being asked to wait. Two hours later they were eventually seen by a doctor. Paddy told him what happened and how the physical symptoms were different to the last time. He still didn't feel steady on his feet and his right arm had a tingling sensation. Rhona tried to explain what happened to his mouth as well, but it was so hard to find the right words to describe everything.

The doctor nodded and took notes before going through examinations to test Paddy's coordination. It was obvious that there was a weakness on his left side but it had improved signigicantly since they arrived at the hospital. He told them what would be happening next and left them alone again. Rhona briefly left Paddy who was lying on a trolley and went to get a coffee from the machine. In the distance she could hear an altercation.

_"Just do one mate. I'm going in there and there's nothing you can do to stop me. I need to see him"_

_"Aaron just calm down. The guys just doing his job."_

Rhona raised her eyes skywards. This was all she needed. God knows what was wrong with Paddy and now Aaron was kicking off. She looked back towards Paddy. He was exhausted now and had put his head back and closed his eyes. She made her way out to the waiting room to see Aaron being held back by Jackson while a very nervous porter looked on.

_"Rhona, whats happening." _Aaron wriggled out of Jackson's grasp when he saw her.

_"Just calm down and come over here and I'll tell you" _

The three of them stepped away from the curious crowd that Aaron had attracted and Rhona told them what happened earlier in the day.

_"So what happens now?" _Aaron grew impatient.

_"They're taking him for an MRI scan."_

_"But he's already had a scan."_

_"This is different. It can pick up on things that the CT scan wouldn't see."_

_"Well why didn't they flipping do that in the first place then?"_

"_Aaron_" Jackson didn't want him to take out his frustrations on Rhona. She was struggling enough as it was.

Rhona continued _"I don't know. Maybe they thought it wasn't anything serious. Anyway we're going to be here for most of the night. There's been an emergency, a road traffic accident and that means that Paddy will have to wait a while for his scan. Look you two should go home, there's no point in all of us being here."_

_"No way, I'm not going anywhere, not till I've seen that he's ok."_

_"He's fine Aaron, I promise you. They're not going to let anyone but me in there so there's no point. Please go home. Leo will be wondering what's happening if we're all missing. You have my word that I'll call you if anything happens."_

He shook his head _"Ok_".

Aaron turned and headed for the door closely followed by Jackson who gave Rhona a quick hug before leaving. Rhona immediately went back to Paddy's side.

It was 6am before Paddy was taken for his MRI. He was feeling fine again, other than being extremely tired of course. Him and Rhona then sat and waited for someone to read the scan. Eventually a doctor pulled back the curtain

_"Mr. and Mrs. Kirk"_

To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

It was 10am and neither Aaron nor Jackson had gone to work. There was no way either of them could concentrate until they knew what was happening. Even though Jackson didn't have the same history with Paddy as Aaron did he'd been welcomed into the family with open arms and was as desperately worried. Rhona had text them a few times overnight to let them know that things were ok, but for the past couple of hours...nothing. Aaron had tried to ring and text both of them but their phones were off. Neither of them had slept the previous night. Marlon had kept Leo at his place. He knew that an anxious Aaron and an out of sorts little boy wouldn't be a good mix.

Aaron and Jackson sat at the kitchen table, mugs full of cold tea in front of them. They'd hardly said a word to each other since they got back from the hospital the night before. Aaron didn't need people talking at him at times like this, he was grateful to have Jackson with him though. He didn't want to be alone at a time like this.

They were abruptly pulled from their thoughts by the sound of a key in the door. They leapt to their feet as Paddy and Rhona entered looking absolutely shattered.

_"What's happened, are you ok, you didn't ring us_" Aaron and Jackson's roles were reversed. Aaron was falling over himself to speak while Jackson was afraid to open his mouth in case he said the wrong thing.

Rhona turned to Paddy _"Why don't you get ready for bed love. I'll talk to the boys."_

_"No we'll do this together. Can you two sit down we need to talk to you"_

The four of them sat down. Jackson and Aaron were afraid to ask any questions. They hardly even wanted to hear what Paddy had to say to them. It was obvious that it wasn't good news.

Paddy started to speak, never lifting his eyes from the kitchen table _"You know that I had another seizure yesterday. It was worse than last time so they did an MRI scan on me when I got to the hospital. Apparently it picks up on things that a CT might not."_

Rhona had begun to cry beside him. He avoided looking at her as he had to get through this _"Anyway they found something on the scan. A large growth. From what they can tell so far it's been there for quite a while but it's very slow growing. That's why it's only started to effect me recently."_

_"A tumor?" _Aaron asked.

_"Aaron_" Jackson didn't want to hear that word.

_"He's right Jackson_" Paddy continued _"I'm going to have surgery on it next week. They don't know how much of it they'll be able to remove yet, if any. We'll know more about what going to happen after that. I don't think they know themselves to be honest" _without meaning to Paddy laughed nervously. _"That's all we know right now, honestly."_

_"Can we do anything?" _Jackson asked. He knew they couldn't but he had to break the silence.

_"No, just don't say it to anyone yet. We'll tell Marlon and Jessica when they bring Leo home but we want to try and get our heads around it ourselves first. Plus we need to get some kip."_

They all got up together, Aaron and Jackson decided that they'd better go to work. There was no point in all of them hanging around the house all day. Rhona text Marlon and asked him to keep Leo for another few hours. She then made something to eat for herself and Paddy before they went to bed. Aaron came running down the stairs in his overalls just as Paddy came out of the living room into the hall. They met at the foot of the stairs. They didn't speak but they could both see the tears welling up in the others eyes. Paddy didn't know how he should approach Aaron at a time like this. The young man wasn't great in emotional situations. He need not have worried though. Aaron pulled the man he'd come to think of as his father towards him and held him close. That gesture meant more to Paddy than a thousand words.

The next week was a blur for everyone. Paddy and Rhona had to go through their story dozens of times. Marlon and Jessica were obviously the first to be told. Marlon was devastated. He wasn't able to speak and it was left to Paddy to make tasteless jokes about his condition to try to lighten the mood. They wanted to be honest with people from day one. They preferred to tell people themselves rather than have rumours about him doing the rounds of the village. The phone was constantly ringing and there was a trail of people to the front door.

They all coped in their own ways. Paddy was his usual jovial self when there was anyone around but the other 3 residents of the house could tell that he was deeply worried, as were they. Rhona kept herself busy organising cover for the surgery and suddenly discovered the domestic goddess within. She scrubbed, brushed and polished everything in her path. She felt as though she'd go mad if she didn't keep busy. Little Leo was still oblivious to anything being wrong and this was of some comfort to herself and Paddy. They were both careful to avoid any conversations about the operation in front of him. He wouldn't have understood them anyway but they didn't want to take any chances. Most of their deepest conversations took place when it was just the two of them in bed at night. Rhona didn't want to but Paddy insisted that they talk through the various scenarios.

Aaron went to work every day, bit off heads left right and centre, then came home and made himself scarce. He felt like a coward for avoiding everyone but he didn't want to fall apart and the only way he could do this was to pull away from everyone until he could get his head round it. Jackson tried to continue with his routine but it was incredibly difficult to keep his mind on the job. He made a point of spending a little time with Paddy and Rhona in the evenings but he didn't want to intrude so made his excuses and went to bed early most nights. Although Aaron was as yet unable to talk to anyone about how he was feeling, when it was just him and Jackson in bed he held him closer than ever before. He never felt more grateful than he did now to have him in his life.

Paddy was due to go into hospital the afternoon before his operation. That morning he sat in his dressing gown in the kitchen. He heard footsteps on the stairs. He knew Rhona wasn't working and Jackson had left an hour earlier so it had to be Aaron. The young man entered the kitchen and was shocked to see Paddy waiting for him.

_"Hey_" Aaron wished he could turn around and walk back out.

_"Hi ya. Aaron I need to talk to you."_

_"Look Paddy I'm kind of late for work."_

_"Please, it won't take long"_

Aaron didn't have the heart to walk away from Paddy. He could see the fear in his eyes and the least he could do is spare a few minutes to talk to him.

_"I wanted to talk to you before I went to the hospital."_

_"Yeah but me and Jackson are going to see you later anyway."_

_"No I mean I wanted to talk to you on my own"_

Aaron shifted nervously. He knew where this was going.

_"If anything happens to me..."_

_"I can't do this"_ Aaron leapt from his seat and tried to make a bolt for the front door but was pulled back by Paddy.

_"Please Aaron, I have to do this. Don't let me down now."_

At this stage they were both close to tears. With Paddy's arm around him they walked back into the kitchen and sat down. Paddy continued.

_"If anything was to happen to me, and we all know that it's a possibility, I want you to promise to look after Rhona and Leo."_

Aaron could hardly speak _"Me? I can hardly look after myself. What makes you think I could take care of someone else?"_

_"You should give yourself more credit. You and Jackson make quite some team you know. I'm so proud of both of you and I need to know that if the worst happens Rhona won't be on her own. Can you do that for me? Please."_

All Aaron could do was nod. If he looked at Paddy he'd cry and for once in his life he was going to be strong for someone else.

"_There's one other thing"_ Paddy reached into the pocket of his dressing gown and pulled out £100. "_It's Rhona's birthday in a few of weeks and one way or another I might not be able to get something for her. Would you and Jackson do the honours for me?"_

Aaron took the money _"Sure, but you can give it to her yourself. I don't do presents."_

_"Deal. Now get to work you. I'll see you later."_

Aaron finally looked at Paddy and with just the hint of a smile got up and went to work. Paddy stayed where he was for a while. He felt strangely calm about what was to come now. It was out of his hands.

To be continued


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

If you've stuck with it this long, thank you

Later on that day Rhona took Paddy to the hospital. They brought Leo with them. They felt that it was important to keep him involved. He didn't understand what was going on but he knew that something was up. He'd been in hospital quite a few times in his young life so he wasn't the least bit phased by the surroundings. Aaron and Jackson called in when they'd finished work but didn't stay long. They didn't know what to say, well Aaron didn't know what to say and Jackson thought it would be better if they went home. Marlon was another visitor. He told cheesy joke after cheesy joke while Rhona and Leo were there but when they left the room he began his "you're like a brother to me" speech. Paddy appreciated all the support he was getting and felt like the luckiest man alive to have so many people who loved him. He just wished that he wasn't putting them through this.

Paddy's surgery was scheduled for 12 noon. Rhona, Aaron and Jackson arrived at the hospital at ten o clock. Marlon desperately wanted to be there but he agreed to stay at home with Leo. He didn't know how he'd get through today but if he could help Paddy and Rhona by looking after Leo for them then that's what he'd do.

As the clock approached noon Paddy was given his pre op meds and his loved ones were asked to leave the room. Aaron and Jackson hugged him, Aaron even whispering _"I love you" _into his ear, before they left him and Rhona for a final few minutes on their own. As soon as they were alone Rhona broke down.

_"Please don't cry Rhona, I'll be fine"_

_"How can you be so calm_" she sat on the bed and held his hand.

_"It's probably a combination of the drugs and knowing that you all love me so much!" _

Rhona forced herself to smile through the tears. _"I love you Paddy Kirk_"

_"And I love you Mrs. Kirk"_

There was a knock on the door.

_"We'll be taking you down now Mr. Kirk_" two porters entered the room.

Rhona rested her head on Paddy's shoulder, wishing that this moment could last forever.

_"You'd better go. The sooner I get this over and done with the sooner I can come home"_

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. She saw no fear. She moved towards him and kissed him.

_"I love you"_

_"I love you too"_

Paddy's surgery was scheduled to take 4 hours. For the first hour or so Rhona, Jackson and Aaron just sat in silence. Laurel then arrived to keep Rhona company and Jackson took Aaron for a walk around the hospital grounds just to keep him calm. The time passed quicker than they all thought it would. Soon it was 4pm and they began to look expectantly down the corridor to see Paddy being brought back to the recovery ward. Half an hour passed and nothing. An irritated Aaron asked a nurse how long more they were going to be but she was no help.

Eventually Rhona spotted the surgeon walking towards them. Thank god it was over. She got up and made her way towards him. The closer she got to him though she could see that he was ashen faced. He took a deep breath as she approached him closely followed by Aaron, Jackson and Laurel. He opened his mouth to speak but Rhona wouldn't let him.

_"No. Please don't say it."_

_"I'm terribly sorry Mrs. Kirk..."_

_"Noooooo" _ she slumped against the wall and as her legs gave way she slid down along it. Laurel ran to her and falling on her knees did her best to comfort the devastated mother.

It was 8pm now. Marlon had arrived at the hospital. Laurel had rung Ashley and he'd broken the bad news to him. He'd taken Leo back to the vicarage with him and Jessica brought Marlon to the hospital. She couldn't let him drive in the state he was in. They spoke to Rhona briefly before she was taken to see Paddy. They had been taken to a family room. Marlon, Jessica and Laurel sat with their heads bowed. Aaron paced the floor as Jackson looked on. Neither of them had spoken since the doctor had broken the news.

_"Do you want to see him?" _Jackson said eventually.

_"No"_

_"Are you sure? Rhona won't mind."_

Aaron lost it _"I SAID NO. What's the point. Whatever's in that room isn't Paddy."_

"_Fine, just calm down_." Jackson didn't want Aaron kicking off. Things were bad enough as it was.

_"I don't understand, how did this happen_" Marlon needed answers _"I mean I knew this was serious but..."_

_"From what I could gather he started to bleed uncontrolably in surgery and then he went into cardiac arrest. They tried but there was nothing they could do." _Laurel picked up bits and pieces of what the surgeon said but Rhona had been her main priority at that time so her knowledge was sketchy.

_"But how though? Surely they could have done something. I looked up the type of tumor he had on the internet and..."_

_"Will you just shutteh fuck up Marlon. HE'S DEAD"_ Aaron couldn't bear to hear Marlon twittering on about what research he'd done. Jackson looked at him and walked out of the room. When he hadn't returned a few minutes later Aaron went to find him. He was at the other end of the corridor. He was standing with his back to Aaron resting his hands on a window sill and staring out. Aaron approached him and opened his mouth to speak but he didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. Instead he reached out his arm and put his hand on Jackson's shoulder squeezing it gently. Jackson turned around slowly, his face sodden with tears. Consumed by his own grief Aaron had forgotten that Jackson had lived with Paddy for the best part of three years himself and was as much a part of the family as anyone. They pulled one another close, the heat from their bodies offering a little comfort to both of them.

Rhona sat in a half lit room. In the bed in front of her Paddy lay sleeping. He looked so peaceful. The only blemish on him was the bandage over his left ear where the incision had been made. She'd never seen him look so relaxed. Except he wasn't sleeping. She walked slowly to where he was lying and touched his hand. She jumped back again reeling from the icy cold that met her touch. Once she had composed herself again she sat down and put her hand on his stomach, the warmth of the sheets over him disguising the cold of the body beneath.

_"How could you do this Paddy. You told me you'd never let me down again after Leo was born and look what you've done now. How do you expect me to do this on my own."_

She shook her head and wiped her eyes _"If I was watching a film and saw some daft cow talking to a corpse I'd laugh at her. But here I am. God I don't even know what I'm saying, what have you done to me."_

Her bravery returned and she reached for his hand again. After a few seconds the warmth of her own hand warmed Paddy's a little _"I love you. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do now."_

Almost a fortnight later Paddy's funeral took place. The time between his death and the day of his funeral passed quickly. The house was rarely empty. Well wishers called at all hours and there were very few moments for Rhona, Jackson or Aaron to take a breath and get their thoughts together. They were all coping in their own way. Rhona, Jackson and Marlon helped Ashley to organise the funeral, Aaron wanted no part of it. He didn't argue with them about it, he wanted to keep his temper in check for Leo's sake but he couldn't bear to get involved with any arrangements.

The service was relatively short, Paddy wasn't a religous man and the service reflected this. Hymns and readings were at a minimum and Ashley kept his own sermon short but very sweet. Paddy was much loved and it was standing room only in the church. Towards the end of the ceremony Rhona stood up to speak. She handed Leo to Aaron. He knew they were going to say goodbye to Paddy today but he was oblivious to the heartache of those around him. Rhona had prepared a few brief words of thanks. She was genuinly touched by the reaction of the residents and the support they'd given her. Once she'd finished speaking she folded up the piece of paper she'd read from and prepared to take her seat again. She couldn't believe that she'd held it together enough to be able to speak in front of a crowd. She paused and began to speak again.

_"Ahmm I've done most of my thank yous but there's still one left. And that's to you Paddy" _She turned and looked at the casket. _"You're the love of my life. You've were the perfect boyfriend, partner and husband. I never met anyone like you and I know I never will again. You were always the perfect dad. Maybe not by blood but if anyone blew the blood is thicker than water theory out of the water it was you_." Aaron kissed Leo on the head and felt Jackson's hand in his. For one of the few times in his life he didn't care about about public displays of affection. He gratefully accepted Jackson's hand and held on tight.

The burial was accompanied by driving rain and strong winds. It summed up how most people were feeling that day. The wake took place in the Woolpack, there was no where more appropriate. Rhona didn't stay long. She hadn't slept in weeks and was dead on her feet. Laurel went back with her and helped her get Leo settled. They went back down stairs and opened a bottle of wine and talked about how quickly everything had happened. They were joined much later by a worse for wear Aaron and Jackson. Rhona couldn't help but smile when she saw them. From what Paddy had told her if this had happened a few years earlier Aaron would have been taking out his grief on everyone and everything, but here he was sitting with his boyfriend, stroking his hand. That was Paddy's legacy and she would always be proud of it.

A couple of weeks later Rhona was sitting alone in the living room. She'd not had the heart to go back to work yet, but she didn't know what to do with herself now that Aaron and Jackson had gone back to work. Things were slowly getting back to some kind of normality but she was struggling today. It was her 39th birthday. She heard the front door opening and Aaron and Jackson's voices. Looking at the clock she saw that it was only 4.30. She went out to the kitchen.

_"Hi, you two are early. Is everything ok?"_ Since Paddy died she'd come to expect the worst.

_"Yeah it's fine, we just came home early to say Happy Birthday_" Jackson leaned forward and gave her a kiss.

_"Thank you"_

"_And to give you this"_ Aaron handed her a small box. They hadn't wrapped it. This wasn't the time for fancy wrapping paper.

She sat down and opened it. Inside was a gold cross and chain, with a little stone in the centre.

_"It's your birth stone, well Jackson says it is anyway"_

_"Thank you both so much, not just for today, for everything."_

Aaron didn't know how he was going to say this _"It's not just from us. It was kind of a three way thing. Before he went to hospital Paddy gave me some money and asked me to buy you something. I guess he knew something that we didn't"_

As the words left his mouth Rhona face crumpled up and she buried her face in her hands. Jackson put an arm around her and sobbed on top of her shoulder. After a moment he looked around and saw Aaron sitting there alone with tears streaming down his cheeks.

_"Come here"_

Jackson didn't need to say it twice. He outstretched his arm and Aaron gratefully allowed himself to be pulled into an embrace by his boyfriend. The three of them stayed like that until they were disturbed by the sound of Leo waking up after his nap.

Things were going to be ok. It wasn't going to be easy but they were still a family. Smithy Cottage would be a happy place again but things would never be the same again.

The End

A/N Thank you if you made it this far. I promise not to do it again. There's a smutty one shot being posted tonight to make up for it


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